Tag: summer blockbusters

Categories
cinema cinema:tamil FRS

FRS: AAA

AAA1 copy

 

So, you guys are quite familiar with what FRS is right? Right?

We have no idea why we keep asking this, but it cuts the cackle and come to the osses’.

Yes, that is a phrase.

It is a phrase like how AAA is a movie.

+500: This movie got made, absolutely. Like if you are screenwriter, which means you are also the director here and if you walk up to a financier and say that this is going to be my movie, we don’t know; maybe there a lot of risk hungry financiers out there or let’s just call this Avant-garde art film( we have no idea what it means, but if you are in a written quiz this phrase will fetch you part points somewhere), because none of us are equipped to even classify what AAA is.

What is AAA? Let’s find out seekers of the truth, let’s find out.

-5: above phrase has repetition, to add effect.

-389.108: narration irritations, like seventy years of movie making and people can’t kick this habit and in AAA we don’t even know who is narrating, some old fellow somewhere in dubai etc, the whole film is narrated in his POV but then again scenes are not written from his POV which means that we are shown things that he has no way of knowing, this is simple boss, why should we keep saying these things. Who is this narrator guy anyway? Troubling.

Just start with something like you guys know what FRS is right? Right? People who know will follow, others will find out, if they want.

-10: Dubai

-25: If hero goes to Dubai he will become a Don only (not oxford don, underworld don)

This is of course an extension of the rule, if hero goes to X location, he will become an underworld don only. No other occupation is worthy of the Tamil movie hero, he is either simpleton farmer, urban agitator or underworld don.

He protects the masses in all cases. Of course, gets the girl also.

Introducing let’s blame it on Godfather clause, ever since Coppola’s movie came out, every other filmmaker thinks it is the best profession for mass hero which results in over romanticising of illegal activities. Like have u guys seen Goodfellas or not?

-15: Madurai

If hero is from Madurai he will not be veterinary doctor, he will be ‘veritanama killer’ only, also obviously, he will work for a don there, like not even freelancing.

-30: Movie made with the assumption that even killing a life is justifiable, as long it is done by a hero.

+50: Hero syndrome: In AAA hero’s friends believe that Madurai Michael is special, but example of his speciality is ever displayed, yes he kills people for living, but then friends be like “Wow da dei super da, semma da”.

In real life, real friends assess you and bluntly put out your lack of talent in stuff out in the open.

Like how our friends tell us all the time that we suck at writing, but we continue to, maybe we should get some cinematic friends who praise even the shite that we write.

Nevertheless, this is becoming too emotional for us.

-10: Hero’s friends have no reason to be alive expect to sing praise of the hero.

Update to the reader: 500 words and we haven’t even come to the opening song sequence yet

We try and improve our vocabulary once in a while, like hey, we are writers you know and the new word we are using here is: demure.

-12: Demure lady falls in love with demolishing hero trope. Also, if you are contract killer in Madurai, you have enough time to do romance and all. Must be good profession.  But no work from home option available since it is an on the road job. Hmm.

+50: Opening song, hero claims that he is no one without us. (not the Laureate, us here refers to the audience at the large). Which is true because we buy tickets.

-17: Why will a town celebrate a contract killer, who like weekly kills one of their own is a big question that needs answering. Unless of course Madurai Michael and STR are used interchangeably.

-25: Heroine’s father portrayed like a stupid man who has a ‘thing’ for switches, the sad state of heroine’s father is a sorrow song in the history of tamil cinema.

Notice how Y Gee Mahendran has Bhiarava wig.

Everybody has a wig in Madurai, hair raising city.

-10: Mouth to mouth resuscitation which can bring back a life in emergencies is used for comedy effect

-10: Something something happens and we end up with an old STR who is an ex-underworld don but now in Chennai feeding pigeons under the alias Ashwin Thata.

Yes, really.

<Insert Interval Block here>

 

-12: Thata means not really thata, Simbu looks more like middle aged only, but I guess at this point in the movie they don’t really care.

-51: failed prosthetics is failed only. Gurunathar Michael Westmore will not be happy.

+34: Ashwin Thata wears good clothes that even IT employees don’t get to wear on fun Fridays.

If you don’t know fun Fridays, then you are better off not knowing.

+5: Tammanna aka Tammy plays a social worker who life mission is to bring happiness to the lives of elders.

+6: Since Tammy is doing this social service, we hope this will be followed by millions of youth

+11: Heavy duty Tammy dancing, not Devi level though

-57: All songs whenever, wherever, most mimic STRs previous films, tune setting everything

+5: veteran Nilu calling up STR and addressing him as Machi. LOL

Suddenly Tammy & thata become expert painters of portraits, when and where did they learn this art, do underworld dons go to summer camps with kids to learn water colors?

Interesting questions, no answers

A repenting ageing don, seeking to colour the rest of his life by joining a summer painting class. Now that’s a movie there. Go make it,  ideas are not only bulletproof, here we give it for free.

-91: Director thinks mere presence of Mottai Rajendran and Kovai Sarala will make us laugh like anything, like they need to do something hai na?

+100: Director gives three to four movies for the price of one, in fact AAA is an assemblage of all STR films put together, there is a monologue like VTV about love, there is the age difference love matter from Vallavan, there is the I will do anything for my friends thingy also from Vallavan, there is the “Dei all girls will ematify boys” from Manmadan, heck there is even a recreation of Thallipogadey from AYM with Mottai Rajendran and Kovai Sarala.

The last bit is a must watch for sophisticated GVM fans.

Yes, all of this is there in this one movie, in fact all of this happens in the second half which means that this movie has taken controlled randomness to a different level.

You know something is going to happen, but you don’t know what, but you can guess it is from an earlier STR film.

AAA itself is an existential film where STR lays out all his glories and worries right before the audience and asks them to choose what path he must take, it is really deep that way.

-56: Three four fights happen, but we didn’t really get what was happening

-26: Two hours into movie and director cannot decide if the movie is romance, gangster or comedy

-71: Tammy thinks (or director wants tammy character to think) Rajni+Kamal=STR (actual line, not extrapolated by FRS fact checking team)

-34: Hero spends two minutes explaining to everyone the ill effects of drinking.

Starts drinking next second

+68.91: Thikku Siva LOL Spoilers LOL

-145: General discourse on how boys and how girls are….yeppa yawn

<Insert cue for part two>

<Yes there is more>

Until then it is goodbye from

THE FRS Team

Subam

Vanakkam

Categories
cinema cinema:english Essay FRS Movie Notes

FRS: The Mummy

 

TheMummy1 copy

So, we all know what FRS is right? Right?

Vacation’s over boys!

-101: Narration, even if it is in Russel Crowe’s voice also cheating-like. Because narration brings in a point of view but the rest of the film doesn’t even acknowledge that. What’s this da big holly.

-23: Tired Russel Crowe is extremely tired, maybe it is his character, maybe it is us. We are extremely troubled when our favourite actors land such roles. Taking this opportunity to welcome Kamal Haasan to Big Boss. Hi.

+25: Speaking of favourite actors: Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise

A word on Cruise, let’s give the critics the benefit of the doubt, he does play the same character in every film, which of course is ‘pop criticism’, but we have a feels that Cruise knows what he is doing because at 50+, he was able to bring out something as exciting as Rogue Nation.

There is no actual rule that a screenplay should not lend itself to its larger than life lead actor, in fact it requires some really smart writing.

Boys and Cruise is among the last of the old world Hollywood type movie stars da, like that only.

-50: Speaking of smart writing, Tom Cruise being chased by a 5000-year-old Mummy who thinks he is her chosen one, like really this is the Nagesh arc from Utharavu Indri Ulle Vaa

+22: These ancient Egyptians are very specific in their rituals, so elaborate

-100: Elaborate Egyptian rituals can be interrupted

-343: Movie rests entirely on the above point

-5: Bossugal of Egypt think that Mummifying is the worst of punishments not realising that it is the most favourable situation for Hollywood Bossugal

+6: Hero does not say the useless overused line “I hate mummies” in this franchise

-21: Hero thinks stealing and protecting artefacts are the same, although he is not Indiana Jones. Hero does not belong in a museum

+23: Bug-Calling: the pioneering tech to communicate in Antman seems like walkie-talkie because The Mummy can do all that without tech only.

+56: Over-powerful Mummy is over-powerful.

TheMummy2 copy

It’s like unbeatable Mummy meets (Mission) Impossible Cruise

+5: We actually came up with the above line

FRS Rule of Thumb: Whenever main villain is captured and put on full display, you can bet your house in Adayar and that estate in Conoor that villain will surely escape.

-3: Conoor

-1: Adayar

-192: Hero sleeps with heroine as mark of love, this is mentioned multiple times in the film but never actually shown. Boss, why do you think we watch English films in the first place (dubbed also same). Please convey to concerned department.

-76: American hero saying “What the hell” when they don’t know what is happening

 

+50: Very good to decent (we give range, for specific data we are not one IBM) action sequences, I mean you don’t really care about Mummies getting hit left right and centre, but it is fun and funny, there is even a Raiders type fight in the lorry.

-10: American archaeologists immediately get into, “what we have here is a 2000-year-old artefact” kind of voice recording which works ok as exposition, but second and third time it is like over professional, boring even

+101: Hero’s friend: yeah yeah he is funny, but then also (no spoilers) LOL this is one of the films where they give a twist to the companion character and much welcome change this is.

 

+5 Tom Cruise running away from things

From a strategic career point of view, I hope he runs away from what this franchise will become, oh wait, there is more. Strike that out.

-35.9: This concept of power, like u were first Pharaoh of one region, suddenly you want to rule whole world. Why? All your IAS officers are doing so well?

Also if you are princess of Egypt, high chance you will not inherit throne, not unlike modern times. Someone said history repeats itself, someone was right.

So, if we keep repeating this statement (which is ‘history repeats itself’) then we will be proving that person right. Right?

+22: Double Pupils

-208.112: Actually, we had decided in one FRS board meeting that we should not cut points for lack of originality, or lack of ideas or something along these lines. Because we believe that very few can come up with something new, see like this FRS itself is one modified (read as copy) format, but this and all if we see…Nevermind.

But still when you have the wealth of content with you (some 300 Universal monsters) … Hollywood Bossugal must revisit this whole franchise funding.

tenor

Oh before we go, there is no Rachel Weisz in this thing, we have no idea how many points we should cut for that alone.

 

Yours Sincerely

THE FRS Team

A LhF Production

Subam

Vanakkam

Categories
cinema cinema:english Parking Lot Notes

God Among Small Things

Parking Lot Notes #3 : Wonder Woman

WonderWoman2

It is one of those ‘just-go-wow’ in the theater but nothing much afterwards film that Hollywood manufactures at a healthy rate, the operative keyword here is healthy because the success of these films totally depends on how much we are willing to forget similar films of the past. Since the superhero origin module (probably a template document stored in the vaults of Warner Bros and Marvel) involves ever useable intangibles such as love, hope and discovery,(very difficult to have a superhero movie without stressing on this) the core of an origin is a known one.

Frankly I’m a bit tired of this, also I don’t really follow comic books, hence I have lost the WooHoo! enthusiasm that the comic book t-shirt target audience display in the theaters (I was young once), because in every super hero movie there is difference in only specifics.

WonderWoman1
Patty Jenkins- breaking the glass ceiling

Here in Wonder Woman, it is about preventing the wrath of Ares upon earth by the Amazonian goddess Diana. Of course it is the single point of view narration which means that we get to hear the story in her own voice is the differentiator and how well the film races back in time (WWI, but of course Germans are the villains) by just the show of a photograph. A moment framed in time could be a trigger for an entire lifetime, also striking was the use of oil paintings to tell the tale of Zeus and the creation the island of the Amazons.

The film then goes the ‘it’s the same thing mister Sivam’ after that, there is the training montage, the charming love interest (I pine for Chris Pine), the ragtag group, the need to fight their own battles, a loss of hope, a couple of mad villains, a death of a dear.

Yet, it’s all so wonderful to see things from the perspective of a God and Gal Gadot brings the innocence which is very difficult to fake on screen and I did buy the idea that even Gods can feel that we lesser beings are not deserving of their kindness and grace. Good to see that they have retained the uplifting Zimmer and Junkie XL’s Wonder Woman theme. Repetitions like these when done well, shows. It all comes together nicely.

But when the lights came back on and when I walked back home my old friend memory, returned.

Parking Lot Notes covers the thoughts that go about in our writers’ mind when they walk back from the movies, sometimes they take Ola Auto also, but that is not the point.

Categories
cinema cinema:english FRS

FRS: Captain America: Civil War

A note on the Fawlty Rating System (FRS)

*Initially thought about in 1934, it came to fruition only in the late 2000s.

*It is the only movie rating system in the universe to be based on a Buddhist scroll that was actually written by an Irish traveller who had been an assistant director in the movie “Birth of a nation”, the scroll was curiously titled “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari to make a Baahubali”

*The rating system is now named after the Irish Traveller, a small portion of the proceeds from this review will go to a bhel puri vendor in an undisclosed street corner for secret reasons.

*All numbers and words are arbitrary, mostly imaginary. They do not mean anything

A note on the Fawlty Rating System Ends

A second note fearing severe backlash.

Hi, right we acknowledge the fact that comic book fans wouldn’t go crazy over our review of Civil War. No we didn’t read the comic book based on which this movie was made, however good or bad it is, we do not know. The point being, movies are different from comic books and comic book movies are not just for comic book fans. If so these movies wouldn’t gross so much across the world.

People don’t read newspapers only, how will they read comic books? (hehe that’s…never mind)

Although there is a segment and since we are writing this from India, we are likely to be hit/tortured/abused by folk passing off as comic book geeks.

Hi to you all.

There, we have effectively enraged our target segment much before the review.

Now to the FRS.

civilwar1

-249.3: THIS MOVIE SUCKS!

Now, do we have to justify this? It does really.

I mean you have to believe us on this, just like Captain America believes whatever his friend ( who was the antagonist in the prev film, yes under the influence of some secret terror group, but still villain, mind you).

So if you like kill hundreds of people and go tell Cap, who is your friend that you did it under the influence, Cap will forgive you and believe and defend you till the world’s end, because………..urgh this movie sucks.

-1400: The tragedy of Tony Stark/Iron Man

Boss, one character is so cool for three movies in one franchise and suddenly he has like guilt about what he did in last movie and then he starts connecting to his family, dei flower in ear only. Added to this he is separated from Pepper Potts.

This whole MCU was set-up based on the coolness of Tony Stark, so if this had been Iron Man: Civil War, Stark would have been the guy opposing these government regulations.

So in next movie if he is quipping again like usual means, we will punch in face.

-560: One normal guy is able to break the Avengers

Because you know getting some extraterrestrial villain for this was not possible

-90: Girls even if they have super-powers will be confined, because Girls. Boys can roam.

-1.9K: Nobody has really anything to do in this movie, nobody, that is the reason why even Sam Jackson didn’t come, because already so many jobless characters and this Nick Fury anyway jobless.

What will he do?

eg: Vision, even Avengers dont know why he is there, except that he has one stone on his forehead which will turn out to be another franchise maker in some later movie which every fanboi will go “WOWO!” about.

Jeremy Renner as that archer, what he is doing from first avengers movie? If he was honest he should be giving back his salary.

Added to this another new character who will get his own stand alone movie when nobody cares to tell what he is doing in this movie apart from chasing the wrong guy: Black Panther.

-156: Cameos

Cameos are like-able, but if whole movie is just a setup for this Marvel Corporate to set up further movies. Then surely this must be condemned.

This movie is just one big doll assembly, like the GIJOE collection face off that kids do on Sundays. It is cool as a concept, one hero facing off against another, but we and they themselves realize nothing will come off it. (“this is not the true fight”etc)

This movie solely exists to realize the wet dreams of those who dream about Iron Man vs the Cap.

The Cap is so boring here (after a brilliant appearance in Winter Soldier) that he is not the main character in his own movie, Spidey gets more claps.

Every other plot point is an excuse for this big face off which happens in some airport, yeah the graphics and all is great, but so what?

The format of the movie is as follows

Set-up to action sequence.

mid action sequence quipping

post sequence quipping

mock-serious meeting with quipping

set-up to action sequence

mid action sequnce quipping

So you get how this is done

There is absolutely no depth in the new characters and we are expected to carry over the conflicting characteristics of existing characters. Every character speaks like they are in a trailer and not a movie, maybe this is not a movie and just a trailer.

Irritating this is true and I have to pay 120RS for a trailer.

+50: Ant-man is funny, but he is funny everywhere and his inclusion also is forced in what is already a forced fight.

-58: Conveniently doing away with what the story was building up to be

-100: Americanah shizz, Avengers stands for American Revengers only, they have right to attack any country in the pretext of world safety and will get guilt only when pointed out that one black American guy dies when a whole city-state was uprooted, and they say BvsS was a stupid movie.

BvsS at least dealt with issues far greater than a UN Accords which forms the flimsy pretext of this movie.

+786: Jesse Eisenberg who shows how good a villain can be, this MCU has no villain, it thinks it can function entirely on cool characters.

-2500: Yes to us, for previously supporting Marvel movies and trying to make sense of this mind vacating popcorn nonsense, it is time we switched sides, we hate this movie to an extent that it is in fact liberating.

Hate makes us stronger in the bigger scheme of things, these things should stop.

Holy, we should give ourselves even worse points on the FRS scale because we actually did like Age of Ultron.

Sorry we will tread with caution, hereafter.

-1: For every fan who tries to read too much into Marvel films or brush this off as saying it is ‘fun’, no this was excruciating.

-35: City names cover the screen, as if we cannot read “BERLIN'”it seems!

We read books and all, I’m sure we can read a few city names.

-19: Supporting non super hero characters, not supporting and purely unnecessary

-2 :Post credits

 

If this is the best of MCU, then Marvel has very low standards, I’m sure viewers should accept these standards as well.

 

 

Categories
cinema cinema:english

CK AND MM AT THE MOVIES: CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER

CA
Caustic Kumar was trying to chew into a milk chocolate bar as he and Moderate Manohar made their way into the offices of the Lowly Laureate.
The dark shadow of the editor loomed over them so much so that both the writers thought that they had walked into the control room of some secret organisation mostly controlled by the United States.
Editor: Writers at the ready! Submit your works there! <Points to an automaton spell check editor, the writers are nevertheless terrified!>
CK and MM together: we’ve just seen the movie; think we should do some bouncing off each other before we submit anything
Editor: some work ethic you two have! <To a computer> initiate Editor exit sequence. <Beep Beep sounds follow as the editor makes his way outside>
CK and MM together: Peace, at last!
CK to MM: Every time we see a movie, I don’t think you shouldn’t start with “what did you think of it”, it is boring and I’m guessing readers are tired of it.
MM: what readers?
<Both laugh>
MM <takes the serious movie critic on TV voice> Captain America, Marvel’s latest offering in a series of…
CK: they all know that… ok fine, what did you think about it?
MM: absolutely loved it!
CK: well that’s not too moderate; you’re out of character Manohar
MM: Cant you be not sly and agree that we are in agreement?
CK: Well, I loved it too, the more I think about it, the more I like it, proves that this not a wonderment-in-awe movie.
MM: What does wonderment-in-awe mean anyway? <Realises, then hits his forehead>
CK: there you are Manohar, playing Watson again; any basic reader will know what wonderment-in-awe is, even if they don’t, they will make up something for it.
MM: right, before we get into all that, I think this is a brilliant film singularly speaking, as for the whole build up to Avengers 2, I cannot say;
CK: because each stand alone film is being helmed by a different guy and…
MM: exactly
CK: interesting to see how they tried to fit in a 70s type conspiracy thriller into the scheme of things, Captain America being all patriotic and all seems the best Manchurian candidate for the job. It is fun, especially when Robert Redford comes in.
MM: yes I vividly remember you being the only one who whistled when his name came up <tries to sneer, but then thinks it is indecent>
CK: <looks to the ceiling> Yes I’m a man of another time, just like Captain America.
MM: I never took this SHIELD any seriously, thought they should have been called…
CK: UMBRELLA! Manohar this is the third time you have said this and I agree it was funny the first time, but not now
MM: As in an umbrella organisation that brings all these supermen under one roof.
CK: speaking of shields, I think the shield based action in the film was tremendous, also that sound when our hero straps it on his back. Action was really good; maybe it is because I felt the special effects were muted.
MM: Yes, as in I loved Iron Man 3, think some idiot at the Lowly Laureate wrote one glowing review which the editor had no problem with, but on repeated viewings it is just another Shane Black movie with monstrous graphics.
CK: this is what I was trying to put forward in my wonderment-in-awe theory, you never listen!
MM: So I say that we should give more points to Cap for actually having some kindoff story
CK: it had a pretty good story and was funny too; this is not some attempt to force fit but is fitting and we don’t give out points.
MM: So do you feel that we can actually see better Superhero films? Not just the usual originstor-superhero graphic madness thing? I don’t think so
CK: I can’t really say, with all my pumping cynicism I can say that they are after our 120Rs (higher outside TN) but then Marvel has made its money, I think it is past the brute ensemble box office days, hoping Avengers 2 is better.
MM: Ah…Hmm…Okie…that actually meant nothing, now to the characters. Supersonic development for this Chris Evans, I have begun to like him from actually ignoring him in the Avengers.
CK: he is a good actor, too many good moments for him with the winter…
MM: STOP!!!
CK: right, no spoiler clause.
<Both stare at each other for a moment and then begin to discuss the plot in dept and animatedly, luckily for you…yes you we won’t put out all that>
MM: finally…
CK: Captain America: the Winter Soldier is the stand alone that Marvel deserves right now, also the one it needs
MM: wait, wait, what about the Edward Snowden based surveillance-morality plot and the verily guessable twists.
CK: the surveillance plot was watchable only the twists weren’t, also Iron Man could have solved this problem within two minutes or so.
<Computer in the voice of JARVIS, ‘your conversation has been recorded for our internal audit purposes, sir’>
CK: why do they even audit our magazine, we have no income!
<Uplifting drums and violins music play in the background as CK and MM walk out straight in search of their next assignment>
Curtains
No mid/post credit, go home and sleep soon.