Tag: SRK

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cinema cinema: hindi

The Romantics (2023)

So I watched the new @Netflix documentary #TheRomantics. I am very eager to see cradle-to-grave documentaries on key filmmakers, it gives us a sense of their work and the times they worked in. But #TheRomantics is just a four part corporate video by YRF.

It began quite innocently; in fact E1 is titled The Boy From Jalandhar traces quite quickly the journey from Punjab to Mumbai. Yash Chopra’s first film was in 1959 and his last was in 2012- so yeah that’s a long career. Maybe they are going to go movie by movie, I thought.

Alas! Minutes later we were in Daag-Deewar territory, pauses only mention about Dharmaputra- apparently a film which was a takedown on Hindu fundamentalism (yikes), set during the partition. Brave Yash ji is Brave! That’s when I woke up. Really. Wake up call 1️⃣ ⏰

All well and good but the doc fails to mention that Dharmaputra was a flop and Yashji did not wade into overt political themes for the rest of his career. A sign of people being yawned by filmmakers trying to push head-in- the-clouds secularism? Maybe?

Bhai! Wait, let’s just pause to talk about how he made the films right? Atleast Amitji must have something to add about Deewar right? Hmm Amitji says Yashji was a romantic (roll credits) on D sets too as he found ways to shoot roses even in intense scenes 🤷

Doc also puts Yash ji as one of the main shapers of the angry young man persona along with Salim- Javed. This needs to explained more, but Salim Khan who is in the doc barely gets any time to talk.

Wake up call number 2️⃣

This documentary is not about the filmmakers and the films but more about establishing how YRF is Bollywood and how Bollywood is YRF. Yes, India is Indira and vice versa types.

Why else would they rush from Deewar (73) to Darr (93) within half an hour of the first episode in 4 part documentary? This phase would cover Kabhi Kabhie, Silsila, Chandni & Lamhe- if this was a serious doc then there would be special episodes for each of these ‘classics’.

But doc is not interested in all that and doc is only interested in showing us an empty chair and hyping about how Adi Chopra has not given an interview in his lifetime. Much like a mob boss? No I mean…

So yeah! In 20 mins you will not be able to cover the nuances of any film, KJo drops in to say how Chandni is among his top five and how he preferred Yash ji over Bimal Roy, Dutt etc But doc doesn’t go beyond that, if at all there is some talk about his films -its about beauty

“Beautiful” “Yash ji heroines were beautiful” “So beautiful” The sarees- just beautiful” Guess someone on the internet can do a supercut of the number of times beautiful is used. Abbey yaar, what is this beautiful?

Wake up call number 3️⃣ was a very sad one. So like even in a four part netflix documentary Bollywood will not take the effort to tell us why a filmmaker is important or in the least tease us about his films to make us watch it?

If this is a feeling that I get, as someone who is familiar with Bollywood how is this going to be make those outside India take Yash ji seriously. That brings me to song and dance.

#TheRomantics as documentary reemphasizes on how the world should view India- land of Bollywood- land of love, song and dance. This is akin to how the west saw India as elephant, cow and snake charmers.

In fact Rishi Kapoor ji brings back these stereotypes about India, as to how we were seen as land of snake charmers and now seen as Bollywood song charmers. Atleast do they go into the effort of making songs? Not even one music director was interviewed for #TheRomantics

I used to think that Bollywood is deliberately surface level in its themes as to cater to a large section of the audience, but now realized these are not deliberate decisions, but the makers themselves are surface level & critics a bunch of yes people

No critic had the question as to why YRFs ‘eternal love’ stories always had an extramarital angle to it? Or why was it about two girls falling for the one man fantasy? Why is it that India’s culture reduced to color, marriage, song and dance and nothing spiritual?

Of course such questions are not possible in in-house productions like #TheRomantics , the credits of which include Uday Chopra. Which was wake up call number 5️⃣ – corporate video indeed.

A big part of the documentary also veers into Uday Chopra territory about how he himself is a standing testimony to how nepotism does not work in Bolly and people have to accept you. Guess this was something Bolly wanted to address , koi baat nahi

From E2 onwards its the Adi Chopra show and a big part of it is about DDLJ and its making. Here they go a little deeper- how everybody had fun on set while Adi worked, clash of the father and son and how DDLJ became the cash cow for YRF

Post creation of YRF it is just feature- benefit type of video we made Dhoom we introduced Ranveer Singh yeh-woh to borrow a common north Indian expression #yehwoh

Shockingly there was angle about how YRF saved India from the onslaught of foreign corporate movie houses – but luckily as with most things they don’t go deep enough.

Maybe that’s all there is to say about YRF and Bollywood, I shouldnt have expected much of a critical or cinematic analysis. should have just been happy with all the actors should have just been happy with the song and dance should have just been happy with Sridevi in chifon

should have been base level satisfied with the ever reticent Adi Chopra talking about how became more desi by throwing away all his rock music cassettes in order to ‘understand India’ Bhai maybe I should just check my expectations

But Bhai please don’t such things like redefined cinema and all and don’t substantiate your claims please 🙏 Thank you for reading. All screenshots are from the trailer of #TheRomantics which is now streaming on Netflix.

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cinema: hindi FRS

FRS: Pathaan (2023) 

So you all know what an FRS is right? Right? 

Welcome to the YRF Spy Universe – which only means that YRF will make the same film with different heroes and tease you with winks, cameos and post credit sequence madness for the next 25 years.

Time for you to start an SIP under YRF Spy Universe and keep investing 100 rs every month considering inflation and all that. 

<Giving platform for long faced Bollywood fanboy -LFBF, because we encourage diverse opinions, but we don’t think you can follow Bollywood and have deep opinions, but nevertheless or as they say Koi Baat Nahi>

LFBF: Yeh review bhais, for Marvel movies you spent hazaar and hazaar rupaiyya, but if Bollywood does you will make fun na? 

Koi Baat Nahi, but Bollywood is back. 

-101: For everyone who uses any variation of Bollywood is back, SRk is back, once a king always a king, king for a reason, king who unified the earth – wait, that was King Solomon right? SRK is King Solomon? 

No viewer will get even one paisa if Bollywood is back or not back, this is like buying one Mango and telling the whole Salem Mango Industry is back!

But Mangoes are good, they mostly taste well, they are also called the King of fruits..

LFBF: Abbey, only SRK is King.

Isn’t he a Pathaan? 

Nevermind, the point is that he is back. 

121: Not surprising for a Bollywood film, Pathaan begins in Islamabad. 

In fact it begins in an oncologist’s office in Islamabad where a General is getting his diagnosis. 

How many years does he have to live, he asks.

Three, the doctor says. 

Just when you thought that this is going to be a touching portrayal of a Pakistani General coming to terms with his own morality, the TV blares out that Article 370 has been revoked. 

Yes Oncologist in Islamabad take their news seriously and have 24*7 always on, even while consulting. 

56: That brings us to the introduction of the main baddie of Pathaan who is simply named Jim, so that you know that absolutely no writing went into his creation.

Jim is just John Abraham. His smile is the same as in a Garnier Men advertisement. 

<FRS not sponsored by Garnier Men>

This by itself is not bad, in fact it is one the saving graces of the film – that the film lets John Abraham be himself. 

We can even imply that for the moments he is away in this movie, we are probably thinking Jim … we mean John would be working out and preparing for his attack (or working for Garnier Men) 

Also how did he escape from Somali pirates to start OutfitX? Did captain Philips save him? Is Captain Philips part of the YRFSU? 

-20: Low effort in naming.

 the shadow terrorist outfit employed by the said Pakistani General is called…Outfit X 

-97: movie asks to us to take it seriously when the counter terrorist outfit is name JOCR (Joker oh so so funny)

JOCR is Joint Operations and Covert Research.

Even basic nomenclature enthusiasts would know that it sounds right when it is called Covert Research and Joint Operations (CRJO) and anyone who has seen the film knows that there is nothing covert about their operations.

Joint…let’s come to that in a bit. 

Brace for a small diversion on Japanese philosophy 

Someone said, speaking at the Cancer Institute in 2013

“This place offers hope, and hope brings about healing. When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage, by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that, when something has suffered damage, and has a history, it becomes more beautiful. This indeed is true, for the millions of cancer survivors, who have come out stronger, and more beautiful than before.”

This is indeed Kintsugi , a beautiful philosophy of looking at breakage in an object as part of the life of the object itself and a good allegory for organization which finds a place for agents who have been put out to pasture. 

And when Pathaan was explaining Kintsugi to his boss, the only thing I could think of was this quote. 

If you know who this someone is, let us know in the comments below. 

#EngagementTactics 

-37: Movie takes a good allegory and goes nowhere with it. 

This was supposed to be a film about broken agents finding their place and we barely know anything about Pathaan’s colleague, except that one guy is called Rishi and another guy is called Raza and a girl once or twice uses the phrase “dark web” 

+80: Darkweb as the source of all intelligence info, this is going to be a recurring theme. 

As for JOCR, we don’t know what they exactly do and how they facilitate joint operations. 

For most part JOCR seems like a travel desk for Pathaan to go from one country to another and Dimple Kapadia maam seems likely to join the long list of film intelligence heads who could not contain her over enthusiastic agents. 

-300: Intelligence Failure MAX (iMAX)

Middle Eastern countries are not going to like this film as a major attack on their country happens in broad daylight and there is absolutely no one there to stop it or take action later. 

+200: Villain will explain his entire purpose, mission statement, how he aims to achieve it and all specifics to hero, because of course people forgot how to write character motivation anymore 

But this is positive because , audience is now clear what is going to happen for the next 2 hours or so

FacePalm to folks who said that playing Ae Watan as Jim’s signature whistle is part of character development.

-96: Time saved in naming key aspects and characters in the film could have been used in creating better graphics. 

At least some of Pathaan would have been admissible if the graphics had been more relatable to a large section of the audience. 

Here it was relatable to 8 bit video game players who are of course a small section of any audience

-120: Movie thinks we will take it seriously because it has helicopters. 

Whenever the movie unit feels that there is a dip in viewer interest, they introduce a helicopter. 

In the dubai sequence they introduce two, that should tell you a lot about that sequence. 

For a moment, we thought that they would bring a helicopter into the theater hall, considering Pathaan loves flying one in enclosed spaces. 

+85: Jim treats helicopters like how Kamal treats vellai the cow in Singaravelan

Yes, oddly for a film named Pathaan, the most registered character is Jim- it is in no way a well written character but by the end of the movie we know nothing about Pathaan, don’t know his skills, his pain, his fear, his signature moves- maybe that is what they will explore in the universe. 

-701: Pussyfooting screenwriting: I kind of get what the writers are going for, something like Star Trek: Into Darkness or Skyfall or even SRK’s own Main Hoon Na

Where the antagonist is created because of the attitude of the state implying that the all is not well with the state and its machinery- but does not beyond that.

Much like how the allegory to Japanese Kintsugi is introduced, this is introduced and not at all taken forward. 

Which made feel like if you do want to say something, say it openly and I agree saying that takes real courage but at least more admirable than writing 20 rupees dialogues like ‘Give your Mother India my last goodbye’ etc 

Also why is Jim’s signature BGM an old creaking door? (It’s even in the trailer) 

But we will give them some leeway as this being a commercial filmmakers have to appeal to everyone and hence ultimately no one, not even ISI agents. 

-27: ISI Agents are not going to like this movie.

-33.33: Empowered spy heroine template 

The ChatGPT inspired writing of Pathaan comes out more clearly in the way how the character of Rubina Mohsin is written. 

Atleast she gets a good name- Rubina Mohsin. 

First we are of course introduced to the glamor element where she has to entice our hero into doing things and then as an afterthought, the action.

When the final battle becomes clearly Jim vs Pathaan (what else?) , Rubina is given a gatling gun type sequence. 

It’s so lazy that even Jim makes fun of the repetitive RAW hero falling for the ISI heroine trope within the Yash Raj Spy Universe. 

So much for self-awareness. 

+97: Speaking of self awareness, we can see that the Yash Raj Spy Universe has already taken to the quippyness of the MCU, in fact the closest character that Pathaan resembles is Robert Downey Jr’s portrayal of Iron Man (there is also a scene with the touch screen etc) 

Which like in MCU was refreshing when they did it but they themselves effectively killed it later down the line. 

Good luck Yash Raj. 

-102: Expected twist during Interval is expected 

Pathaan literally suspect that one character who just moments before sang a song which says like “world has not seen my true colors”

Bhai, how is he employed in intelligence? 

-78: The intelligence community is not going to like this movie 

For a movie about spies, espionage and missions there is very little thinking and more throwing of terms like Raktabeej. 

Basically the most interesting stuff are the most boring in Pathaan and they think that slow motion action with shotgun sequence will make us believe it is otherwise. 

-58: Neat segue into action

As expected there is an ice planet fight, there is cityscape fight, there is a jetpack vs jet pack fight – but it is not audacious or inventive. 

Some even don’t register and are made with the “We’ll do everything that South ka films do” attitude.

But South ka films have marinated in this genre for decades and what they do come from a place of love. 

They also swing for the fences, involve inventive action sequences and tell an epic story. 

There is no shame in being inspired by other films (previously mentioned) , it is not even wrong to use the same devices, twists and turns – but what differentiates one film from its derived class is what it adds new to the genre and to the movies it freely borrows from. 

LFBF: All that is fine, but Pathaan is 700 crores + bhai! Not even counting the number of times people will come to theaters to see THAT cameo- we have done what South Ka movies have done and SRK will reach 1000 crores. 

Bolly is back!

That’s true, slightly quoting the film

don’t ask what an SRK movie can do to you, ask what you can do to make an SRK movie reach 1000 crores? 

Jai Hind

Vanakkam

Team FRS

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cinema cinema: hindi

Rubber Men in Leather Suits

If there is any book by the name “How to make a blockbuster”, Farhan Akthar will have no need for it. I assume to know the contents of such a book and I can extend my assumption to Akthar.

But he is definitely at an advantage compared to my position viz behind the dusty screen of my aging computer. He has the weapons of nostalgia and homage, and he employs them to its full potential.

In his latest Ocean’s 11 meets Mission Impossible which accommodates healthy bits of Italian Job, Die Hard and the styling of the recent Bond and Bourne films cleverly titled Don2.

The rolling ticker at the right bottom of the screen indicates the country and the city in which the story is set. Don, Asian drug kingpin now eyes the European market and in an opening sequence mirroring the underworld meeting in many a gangster films, his Caucasian counterparts wish him dead.

I will not complain for I did not expect any artistic interpretations of the heist/crime/action genre. The movie only delivers what people expect it to be and it is fairly intelligent in doing so, if you have not seen the aforementioned movies.

It would be fair to slot Don in the Vikram category (remember the 80s Indian Bond starring Kamal Hassan?), an Indian trying the ropes of the west. I enjoy Vikram, every time they show it on TV(which is not much), it is just the notion of some ‘our-man’ playing a spy/agent/smart thief doesn’t go down well with certain people, but enjoyable nevertheless.

Don2 has the all the best plotlines from the best action movies and the problem is that it tries to recreate them in its own pace, only for brief moments in the later part of the movie that there is some respite before everything falls flat like a true Bollywood film to fistfights and kicks.

I do not think I am entitled to find logical loopholes and I didn’t spend much time trying to spot them, it is only the ‘we have seen this before, show us something different’ feeling that makes watching Don 2 not only difficult but quite impossible.

 

Yes yes, they are still maintaining the same dialogues. I can only be satisfied with my assumption that this movie was made in well meaning nostalgia and not with a motive to fool an audience out of their memory.

 

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cinema cinema: hindi

Of Cubes and Colours

Ra.ONE

I would wish to start abruptly, just that i am undecided on how much should a movie be promoted. I could have written a paragraph, but i will choose not to. The promotions can in no way affect your product, the thing it can do is bring people to the theatres. The working title of this blog was :Kind HARTS and INTERNETS.
just in case you wanted to know. 

 The increase in  gimmicks as purists call it may  be due to the rise of one Mr.Salman Khan. Like the Khan himself, we are also clueless how he manages to break industry records with films like Ready and Body Guard.

Coming to our Khan, i.e. the Khan in this film has not had a release since My Name is Khan and it might help to remember that the Salman Blitzkrieg began immediately after that and I am right in thinking that I was not the only one who was irritated by the constant promotions of Ra.ONE. I actually thought it would be quite a bad film and went without much expectation.

Ra.ONE (following the tradition of Goldfinger, Octopussy by naming the film after its antagonist) begins in contemporary London.( like most Hindi films)

Prateik Subramanium, the only son of Tamil game developer Shekar Subramanium is quite ashamed of the uncool-ness of his ‘Appa’ (pause), here I would like to take some time on the portrayal of South Indians up North; although we have stood up together for the same national anthem all these years Subramaniums and Ramamurthys are not looked upon greatly and they have a certain tendency to think that everyone below Hyderabad are idly sambar consuming Brahmins, so when the main character is named Subramanium there is not much reason to celebrate but only an excuse to loop in more idly sambar jokes(‘Now it is time for a South Indian Coffee break, that means we resume work only tomorrow’ says Shekar).

But the laudable thing here is a major Hindi film with a Tamil protagonist; we must also notice that none of our (tamil) films have heroes named Ajay Rathore or Rahul Singhania, the last time I noticed a North Indian name here was Yousuf Khan who was Vijaykanth nemesis in one of his many trips to save India (‘from Kashmir to Kanyakumari’that itself seems like a good title for a Captain movie).

<Continues>

So Shekar wants to create an impression on his son and assigns to himself and his sinking company (Baron Games?)to develop Ra.ONE(clever wording there, SRK) an indestructible villain, which he hopes will make him closer to his bad-ass son. Sonia his wife, looks pretty and sits at dining table conversations where Shekar quotes from V.Shantaram, it is obvious that she loves him and my reasoning is confirmed when they discuss condoms.

Where there is a villain, a hero is not far behind. G.ONE created is created as an exact opposite to Ra.ONE . He may not have the might of Ra.ONE but he does have a good HART, the battle between the good and the bad, makes the rest of the movie.

 

The concept of a Super-hero in India is not entirely local; we have always lived-off the fantasies of creators at the DC and Marvel offices and have often been awed at their films. It is only understandable for SRK wanting to play super-hero in a land where heroes are worshipped as Gods and thanked for his restraint as to not playing God in the same. SRK does well, both as the man who could never park a car and as the guardian angel from the gaming world made of blue cubes.

The film is visually stunning (I saw it in 3D) and I can safely say that graphics and special effects are put to good use, not the trashy ‘Dangerous Dave’ types which are visually affecting and embarrassing usually seen. A lot of work has been done to provide a quality super-hero movie.

Ra.ONE may not be a (to use an often used phrase) watershed in Indian Cinema, its inspirations are clear for us to see (Terminator 2, Iron Man and in its own way Endhiran) and uses many ploys of already seen blockbusters are understandable and forgiven assuming they were taken as points of reference, Ra.ONE sets out to do what it was made for; in spite of the hype and SRK’s insecurities. Ra.ONE is an honest film with proper casting and already popular music. The voice of Akon suspiciously fits the virtual creation it dubs for, and already the public are hailing with having a better pronunciation of the Rashtriya Bhaasha than Katrina Kaif. 

Then there is Kareena Kapoor in a wafer thin red saree, there is something mysteriously good about it. Must be the color.