Stephen Fry in his introduction to the Hound of the Baskervilles (audible) observed that Conan Doyle did well to separate his preoccupations in the supernatural and the perceptive nature of his super-sleuth Sherlock Holmes.
For Holmes, it was always logic and reason.
Eliminate all which is impossible, then what remains, however improbable, must be the truth.
The new show, ‘The Irregulars’ aims to mix the supernatural with the super sleuth of whom we don’t see much of in the first episode.
Just the legs, maybe the next episode might give away the hand, then a smile and then finally the eyes, much like a hero introduction from a Kodambakkam film.
But this series is not about Holmes, it’s about the struggling kids in his neighbourhood. The Irregulars be four : Bea, Jess, Billy and Spike living in a cellar, awaiting the winter and unable to pay rent.
Bea, cool and confident, our lead is almost like a mother to the other three, but has just now turned 17. It’s the workhouses, they prepare you for anything, even being chased by an ‘unkindness’ of ravens.
Then, there is Leo, he of royal blood (ahem) but whose blood or the non-clotting of it is why wishes to escape the stuffiness of his palace (?) and into the streets to breathe in the city air (pollution levels unknown).
Naturally, he takes a liking to Bea, well, of course at the first instant.
The first episode of the Netflix’s Irregulars, seems to have been written with a gun to the head of the writer, who in the lack of time uses elements from other films (Antman, Hitchcock’s The Birds) to move the story ahead.
It isn’t much of a mystery, which is quite sad for a Sherlock based show, but there is room to explain the supernatural part. Speaking of that part, it’s when the series goes all Stephen King, a girl has the ‘gift’ and a guy who can summon ‘all the birds’ in England by thought. But I do fear that the show will take a teen love turn, it’s inevitable.
Hmm, so then it brings me back to the first Stephen Fry quote, maybe there was a reason why Conan Doyle didn’t mix the mystical with the mystery.
The Irregulars is now streaming on Netflix and it could very well be the name of our blog considering our posting schedule.
In a dusty, not often visited corner of Disney+ Hotstar, far away from Marvel and Star Wars is the 2018 film about a down on luck and life writer forging her way through the New York literary elite, only to pay her rent and feed her cat.
Shitting on Tom Clancy
Lee Israel, 51 year old former New York Times best selling author walks with trepidation into a party, only to be schooled by Tom Clancy holding court and talking about writer’s block.
“It’s something invented by writers to cover up their laziness”, he says, something to that effect.
This hits Lee hard, she has not been able to come up with anything of worth in the recent past. But hey, she is going through one of the worst times in her life- fired from her job (for drinking), broke up on a long term relationship, her agent is not interested in what she submits and even cat doesn’t respond to her.
How would the words come?
And here is this multi million dollar writer with a winning smirk talking about ‘writer’s block’ being an imaginary thing.
Umm, it hit me hard too, this was a saturday evening, here I was settling down to watch a movie after surprisingly finding it on hotstar, after a guest casually mentioned it on a podcast and so on.
The premise drew me in. It was about a struggling writer. ‘I’m sure I could learn something about the writing life’, I told myself and that’s when Tom Clancy (or a fictionalized version of him) delivered a good warm slap on my face about his theory about writer’s block.
I should have been writing. So should have been Lee Israel.
But it’s not my movie. Later on when Lee gets to know that this red scare flaming, right wing jingo bullshit writer (psst she meant Tom Clancy) is getting paid millions while she cannot even afford treatment for her cat, she flips out.
But the lesson was lost.
The words will come, only if you sit.
Finding a voice
“Can you ever forgive me?” is not about this moment, it is not even about the debate between what’s popular and what’s literary.
It’s a sweet film about Lee Israel who along with her friend indulges in some literary deception by faking the words of Lillian Hellman, Noel Coward and most importantly Dorothy Parker to basically get by.
Over the course of the movie, I came to realize that Lee Israel forged over 400 ‘literary’ letters to a select clientele and some of these even made it to the official biographies of the said authors. Such was her ability to replicate authentic voices.
While there is little to doubt about Lee Israel’s ability or writing talent, it is lost behind either the voice of others. If Wikipedia is to be believed her bibliography consists of four compact line items, three of which are biographies and the fourth is ‘Can you ever forgive me’, arguably her most famous work.
Clancy on the other hand wrote a novel a year till his death and has his own mini media universe (Rainbow Six, Splinter Cell & ofc Jack Ryan), so maybe Tom knew what he was talking about when he did say those lines while at the party.
But then again, the movie is not about quality vs quantity creative debate, I make it to be so and I keep saying this because that is what I derived from the film. Apart from the fact that Mellisa McCarthy and Richard E Grant are absolutely marvellous and it sort of feels like a sin that they didn’t win more awards for the film, two barflies circling around each other when it seems that most of the world has given up on them.
Other people’s projected lives are not to be stood on podiums and to be judged upon, but a movie about lost potential is always the harbinger of doom in the lives of the viewer.
Viewers are not doers and those who are not doers, and not doers are doomed to be left in the state of lost potential.
This is not an indictment of what Lee Israel did, a brave soul who faced prosecution and even braver one when she overcame her fears and finding her own voice (and the one she is memorialized in celluloid for) by penning this memoir, this is just another wake up call to face the uncomfortable unknowns of our lives.
‘Can you ever forgive me?’ is streaming on Disney+Hotstar
I’ve been writing reviews for 10 years now (coughs), reading them from as long as I remember. As years pass, I think there is a lot of obfuscation that goes around within the columns of movie reviews, it either ends up describing something else and leaving the reader in the lurch.
As a reader first (and writer later), here are my rules for review readers esp those who want an antidote to the chaos that is film reviews (also try and make sense of them).
Rule 1: Almost always, when a reviewer says if a movie is socially important, it most certainly isn’t.
Social importance, historical importance, cultural importance are acquired over time, it is most certainly not acquired over the popcorn counter at Devi Theatre and especially not immediately. What’s relevant now, is not relevant next Friday, so yeah.
If a movie captures “this-very-moment” then it’s just that, look for signs of ascribing importance just because the movie addresses current events.
Rule 2: Almost always, when a review says that the movie can never be classified as good or bad, it can surely be.
This limbo state only represents the inability of the reviewer to share his/her true feelings of the movie at the time due to whatever compulsion.
While there is a set who focus on what are apparently good and bad elements within the film, if they are not able to make up their mind about the film, it is not the film’s fault. It is the writer’s.
The reasons could be anything and we don’t need to go into that.
Rule 3: Never trust a movie review that captures audience reaction. Sample: “at that every moment half the audience had their jaw hitting the floor”
Urgh Hmm it shouldn’t matter. Maybe the writers were not hitting their word count.
Extend this rule to providing trivia, and then assigning value to the trivia, so that the overall importance of the film increases.
The rules fundamentally rise from the fact that reviews have moved away from being observations but into the realm of accreditation, hence assigning momentary importance.
Assigning importance can be done subtly in many forms, like social norming, by describing how people were howling in the theatre makes us immediately believe that there could be something ‘important’ at the moment.
Rule 4: Always disregard should have/ would have criticism.
“They should have killed off the Amudha character early in the movie, like in Psycho” like samples.
This is the “I watch so many movies so I know how better to make them” mode. Much like “how I go on a field trip to Sriharikota and the next month advising ISRO on what they should do on Mangalyaan” mode.
Rule 5: Almost always do not take seriously anything about shot division, color grading, production value , cinematography, sound mixing, box office predictions
Rule five deals with technicality. If reviewers were technically sound, they would (you know) be making movies etc. Especially now, when anyone can make and upload a movie, while here they are uploading umm reviews?
While I do not deny there could be observational critics who could get a sense of how a technical element informs the story element, they are few and far in between and from what I have read, they now function with an arsenal of adjectives, that when overused come with diminishing ‘awe’.
Rule 6: Semblance of truth can only be found when reviewers write about what they felt while watching the movie.
It ties to some of the earlier rules, reviewers tend to go into social importance, audience reactions, limbo wording when they are not truly able to come to terms with what they feel about a film.
Rule 7: Almost all observations about how the story made the reviewer feel should always be the most important part of the review.
This is because humans have been reacting to storytelling for centuries, it’s built into us. That’s the power of story. So yeah that’s the only valid point to keep reading reviews. Whether the story engaged the reviewer or not. also since reviewers are humans too 🙂
Rule 8: When reviewers tell that the movie-story is predictable, they are thinking that the audience sees the same number of films as they do.
It is also an addition to rule 7, it only proves that this movie story did not engage reviewers so saying predictable etc.
Rule 9 All of decoding should be avoided, completely.
A movie is a contract between the maker and the seer, and the maker puts in interesting elements consciously and mostly unconsciously. Let the seers make their own connections. When we make our own meanings, imagine the possibilities.
Rule 10 Treat with suspicion, those who say film reviewing is an art form.
Reasons people give to themselves stay in certain professions should not be treated as fact. A film review has high depreciation value. Only the best of the best survive and that too because the movies are great. The movies are always greater than the impression.
Rule 11 You must consider a possibility that you are in the wrong part of the forest if you are reading the reviews for the words and falling in love with it.
Any movie can be simply expressed without much adoration, ornamentation, alliteration, turns of phrase. These are things writers do to keep themselves interested.
Stay vigilant, sago, reviewers also slip in “we”, when they mean “I” and immediately make us believe that we also fully buy their versions.
Vigilance is key.
Rule 12 Always read reviews only after seeing the movie.
Please do not settle down and fill your head with opinions before you watch something. If you need recommendations to catch/thrash it then it means that you are better off not seeing something that friday.
Movies don’t run away. There’s always time.Let movies collect days and dust.
In our brief period on earth, each person gets to see a finite set of movies. The good news is we can make this a unique playlist. Do not fall for friday fever.
But of course obvious exceptions for some of the rules apply and I can be accused of breaking almost all of them. But this is my observation over the years
This is not an imaginative piece like ” a world without movie reviews” Of course not. But these rules will question the unnecessary ones (them reviews) and strengthen those who seek guidance in understanding them.
Take it or leave it.
Honest story based impressions are the best form of reviews. And even these represent the frame of mind of the reviewer at that point in his/her life.
Reviews always tell more about the writer-commentator than about the movies itself. So movies first, reviews next.
It is also important to have specific taste, and such can be developed only when not overly influenced by others.
For those asking: logical fallacies and plot holes are still game in good reviews as they fall very much into the story. While watching a movie, we are first following the story. Discovering a well hidden plot hole/ gap in a movie is like uncovering a magic trick!
Thank you for reading. Hope it was useful.
Thanks to Alex on Film for the Mayor Ebert image from the movie Godzilla
Get Shorty , 21% on the kindle. Yet to watch the movie.
Rum punch, same.
Up in Honey’s Room, started this year, did not finish.
Of course I watched Out of Sight and 3:10 to Yuma.
I also read those ten rules he framed for writers, which included the most famous “try to leave out all the parts readers tend to skip.”
Sane advice, something I’m sure he must have followed. Although I cannot be completely sure because I have never read a Leonard novel.
But for some reason I could never read a Leonard novel, 99% of that is only because of my motivation and it’s a shame.
It’s a shame because I cannot accept that 100% is because of my lack of focus.
But I’ll get there, because writing is all about honesty. Get honesty out of the way so that we can start telling stories.
While this lack of motivation and focus posed a serious threat to my reading abilities, another elitist mentality seemed to be creating flaming problems on the other side of the spectrum.
When confronted with a media recommendation, namely a TV series or movie, I would brush it away with five fat fingers and with a smug look say, “ gotta read them books first”
It’s the reason why I haven’t seen Game of Thrones, Sacred Games, you-name-it-the-trending-tv-series-of-the-time etc and for years I have felt some small pride in saying this.
Honestly, if I ever in my life say to you, “gotta read them books first”- I give you full permission to say, “stop lying you lying **** piece of ****”
Well, that’s true, I never got around to reading them, I never got around to seeing the TV series flavour of the day, It didn’t help my culture seeking mind and I was all the poorer for it.
But from sometime last year, Leonard was in my collective consciousness, and he also added to my collective shame. Ah yes, the same shame that prevented from accepting my lack of reading skills.
And that made me pick up, Up in Honey’s Room, and as you know, drop it, even when I found it engaging.
To think of it, there needs to be no shame in not having read any author, but personally it’s best to read the masters before I call myself a fan of the crime fiction genre on my “about me” page.
That’s the cause of the shame.
And again today, the conscience was active like a schoolboy on the first day after holidays. First it was a ‘trailer from hell’ of 52-Pickup (another Leonard novel, I have never read)
Audience to me: Lying ****, you’ve already said you have not read any Leonard novel, why do you keep doing this?
Okay, so it was the trailer to 52-Pickup, which interestingly enough, the screenplay was written by Leonard, complex from what the trailer narration suggested.
The trailer narrator also suggested this TV series called “Justified”.
That rang a bell somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain, it was not very clear because the deep recesses of my brain were shrouded by shame.
It took me back to the old days when torrenting was an exploration sport and we were all adventurers.
Someone said, “hey boy, why don’t you check out Justified, it’s the perfect mix for you, crime+western and good dialogue, based on the books of Elmore Leonard”
Me, with five fingers moving to the side, “gotta read them books first” and finish with a winning smug smile.
Someone said “ugh” and walked away.
10 years later.
Someone is now a dean on crime writing and appearing on podcast special episodes discussing the chemistry between Clooney and Lopez in Out of Sight.
While me, sitting at home saying, “gotta read them books”
Damn that felt cathartic.
Cut to now, while I finished watching the trailer and immediately checked out Sony Liv (which is where the real gold is while I sell my organs to subscribe to Netflix) and lo and behold, it’s there.
Sitting right there, all six seasons. All six seasons of the series that New York Post called “a true male fantasy show complete with broads, bad guys, blow-ups, bullets and buckets of blood.”
The one that the retro trailer voice over guy called the greatest thing to have happened to TV recently and this series came out in 2010.
I could watch it or I could come back after ‘gotta read them books’. My brain tik-toked away, but I finally gave in to ‘broads, bad guys, blow-ups, bullets and buckets of blood.’
More B words in a sentence have not been found in the universe.
Hence this series, ‘Just Watching Justified’ or the story of me giving up my useless reasons for not watching stuff and actually watching them and…writing about them.
So to make up for lost time and to beat this ‘Someone’ in life, I thought I’ll go one step ahead and start writing about them.
Every one of the 78 episodes.So dive right in.
These are not reviews, but these are recollections of the experiences that I undergo while seeing the series , so it won’t be could-have would-have film writing nor will it be a series of words that start with B and appreciate the show.
It’s just a cool, casual collection of contemplations.
Episode 1: Fire in the hole.
We open with the close follow of the capped crusader (Timothy Olyphant in a ‘Timothy Olyphant is Raylan’ kind of role), our hero, Raylan Givens, it’s a rooftop pool restaurant, sunny and fun, the kind that does not exist in Chennai. Naturally I was interested. But this was Miami.
Raylan goes to a waiting man at a corner table.
“I give you two minutes” he says like Bhavani in Master and so it begins.
These nervy two minutes are the perfect setup for the show and for the character, he is within the law, but willing to go beyond it and has the brains to make these things look lawful. But Raylan surely knows how to shoot in sequence.
‘He pulled first. I shot him.’
The words that would put US Marshal Raylan from the streets of Miami back to Harlan County, his hometown.
Yes, another sheriff coming back to town story.
Obviously, there is no look of happiness on Raylan’s face, he wanted to get away from this place all his life and within minutes of his arrival, he is handed a fat file of one Mr. Boyd (an amazing Walton Goggins) who is the local heel in western parlance but is actually an arsonist, gun crazed drug dealer, bank robbing tax evader and whose views on the Bible will get your eyes rolling.
Oh also he leads the local Nazi tattooed white supremacist group and they go around town blowing churches.
Oh also he is Raylan’s childhood buddy.
Talk about set-up. Maybe that’s why they love you Leonard, maybe that’s why, I am definitely reading you more.
(Stay tuned for a book exploration series called the Learning to write with Leonard, coming soon, hopefully)
Someone: Liar, don’t give unwanted hope you lying ****
Me: okay, okay
But Boyd has hots for his recently widowed sister-in-law,Ava, who has had a crush on Raylan since the time they were in school.
Talk about set-up.
There are lots of other characters, namely the passive aggressive local chief, Raylan’s ex-wife and an absentee father who remains an absentee but gets multiple mentions.
Coming back to learning to identify good writing, two men sitting at a table with guns is the running theme but it’s different yet overlapping.
Not spoiling anything, but Raylan is a bit quicker and there are 77 more to go!
Remember to tune back in, because we are just watching justified.
+12: a long time ago in a galaxy far far away types opening for this movie which opens in one corner of the universe and zooms in on planet earth, because the movie title is Bhoomi (earth), of course while the credits play.
+101: from the very first we know that Jeyam Ravi has actually done two world (bhoomi)changing things
Help humans live using carbon dioxide instead of oxygen by inventing one mathirai (tablet)
Recreate Mars’ climate on earth and use it to grow plants.
-11: That the movie will not choose to focus on the exciting stories behind these breakthroughs, tells a lot about the movie.
+33: Director Lakshman’s screen credit comes immediately after Jeyam Ravi says, ‘give me one seed and I shall create a new world’ (whistle moments for fans of the director)
-21: Movie missed the opportunity to name itself ‘Seed-an’ because most of it is about Bhoomi’s search for potent seeds only. Yes, the hero’s name is also Bhoomi, movie name is also Bhoomi, planet name is also Bhoomi.
FRS Trivia Thagaval sponsored by Wikipedia
Keen watchers will remember that Vijay’s name in Kaavalan is also Bhoomi
+12: When American media asks, the hero will say that his hero is not a scientist or an inventor but a humble farmer from his hometown.
Annadata -1, America- 0
+1776: NASA salaries are so good that Bhoomi can buy villa which is miga miga arugil to the Statue Of Liberty (ofc)
+101: NASA employee policies are so good that suddenly Bhoomi gets one month leave, just before a potentially universe changing mission.
-40: Said humble farmer is played by Thambi Ramiah, his screen duration can be immediately guessed based on the paavam face that he is having and the number of paavam family members in his house.
-35: Heroine is a bayandha subhavam types, although this initially used as comedy material, this character trait is lost as the movie progresses. Boss why you introduce characteristics and then forget it mid-way.
-323: As usual, as is typical of Kolly thinker movies, officials, police, IAS officers and politicians are all bad people and have no redeeming qualities. So, obviously, all 4 make up the nasama villain set vs our NASA hero.
-90: Hero displays scientific temper in all the wrong things, like taking the strand of hair from the heroine and analysing it to find what emotions she was going through
-41.2: Over the course of the movie, the hero loses the scientific part and only has the temper.
-17.8: Movie runs around a bit before becoming the usual corporate is bad and zero sum game template, usual diet of Kolly thinkers.
+14: Seems director is also subscribing to all the conspiracy video channels that some of the FRS writers are too, movie suddenly makes a turn to reveal the main villain as Richard Child (possible play on the Rothschild family) and 13 others who control everything in the world
+69: Bhoomi is also a worthy addition to the drone camera pandemic that is plaguing the Kolly industry, most of movie is in bird’s eye view
For five minutes, movie also is shot like “Life of Ram” from 96 when Bhoomi and his schoolmate go in search of potent seeds from the tribes who live in the forest. Of course, they are still doing untouched agriculture.
-75: Rest of the movie is just Bhoomi vs Richard Child speaking to one another in slow voices over the mobile phone which in Kollywood is dubbed casually as “cat and mouse game”, only this game is not interesting only.
+36: Something something happens and Bhoomi decides that he will be starting his own ‘farming corporate’ and now movie is about homemade cola companies vs foreign cola companies
-36: but earlier it was against corporate itself, but now suddenly they are okay with Indian companies that exploit agri lands, such water and pollute environment
Decide Bhoomi, who are you fighting???
-100: Bhoomi and his new brand, imaginatively titled “Tamizhan” will accept capital from Indian corporate houses, but will not strike a deal with them to use their distribution networks, but why?
Also why would you launch your brand across the country on the same day so that villain can easily cut-off/buy-off all your produce?
Other notable Kolly viruses ( segment sponsored by Chitra & Co )
Short term virus- it originated in the “one song la millionaire” trope, now it is extended to represent one montage le systemic change.
Bhoomi is an immediate montage success and now all farmers want to be like him, so he even goes on a talk show to convince his fellow farmers, who are immediately….wait for it…convinced.
Same virus reappears when Bhoomi wants to launch all products of the Tamizhan brand across the state on the same day (pongal) ! But why ? Can start in a region and then scale right? Looking at how customers react to your product etc?
Maybe the director thinks that selling products and releasing movies are the same thing, we don’t know, just guessing.
That brings us to the next virus, which is the identity virus, every battle is ultimately a battle to bring down the Tamil Identity.
In Bhoomi, this is planned by Richard Child on a global scale and to much of Bhoomi’s advantage it is this virus that ultimately helps his cause.
People will buy products just to save their Identity, quality of product and all no one will check? If it is from the Tamizhan brand then people will buy, it seems.
What if corporate guy is actually giving a good product at a low price? Are you guys gonna shun them just because he doesn’t share your identity?
So many questions, but no answer from Kolly Thinkers.
So many viruses in Kollywood, let’s chronicle some more in the FRSs to come. Chitra & Co is in no way responsible for the content, that they run a pharma business should not be of anyone’s concern etc disclaimer.
-43: If you have read till here, you will probably be tired, just like how we felt after hearing the “Tamizhan Endru…” BGM for every act (in slow motion) that the hero does in the movie
-27: All songs whenever, wherever.
As we sat to compile more points, the FRS writers realized that the movie sneaked in a brand promotion for one of the veshti brands that the hero endorses. But since that is Indian corporate, it’s all allowed.
All data and statistics are incidental and non-serious except the ones provided by our data analytics team in Pune