FRS: Kaatru Veliyidai

So we all know what an FRS is right? right?

-313: Narration, not just at the beginning but right through, in fact why show visuals, audio book release karo yaar.

Thiruvalluvar in his seminal work ‘On seeing movies in multiplexes’ has listed down the two things that are major deterrents to a favorable experience.

1. Narration
2. Screaming kids

Of course you cannot do anything about the second thing.

-100: Movie is dedicated to the soldiers of the Kargil war, but the setting doesn’t really seem to warrant such a dedication, most of the film is like a ‘come to kashmir, this summer’ kind-of tourism video

+22: Srinagar

+5: There are so many (numerous) tamil doctors in Srinagar that you can actually hold the next Solomon Pappaiah pattimandram* there

-22: Shot in Ooty, but director believes that we will believe it is Srinagar. Some people do.

+35: Everybody is beautiful, even in Srinagar hospital critical care unit. Life is beautiful.

+67: Pakistan as a therapeutic place, if their tourism department sees this then they actually come up with a campaign.

Sample: Rawalpindi Prison: where u can think in peace about your sins. water+food included in package

-5: to us, why are we going around this tourism board angle again now?

-50: For a film set in the midst of a conflict there is absolutely no tension, so why set in conflict?

The recently released Malayalam film Take Off is set in 2014 during the ISIS raid of Iraq and captures the period to unbelievable levels of excitement. Not comparing, just saying.

+21: Karthi for doing a role that is completely unlike what he has done till now, kudos and learns some lessons in the end.

+8.5: I smell the national awards that is going to be won for cinematography and production design esp the sarattu vandiyile sequence

-1: But how everyone knows the same dance steps yaar? Of course others would have prepared for Sangeet, but Rao Hydari and Karthi just came for wedding like few minutes ago.

-3: Now everyone will start celebrating holi along with their weddings.

-94.56: Dialogue

Sample

Venum…Nee Venum…Eppovume Nee Venum…..Enakku eppovume nee venum

Translation: Want….Want you…..Always Want You…..I Always Want you

…. here indicates one minute time gap

Audience Sample

Podhum…Idhu Podhum….please idhu podhum

Translation: Enough….this is enough….please this is enough

+11: yeoman service rendered by Mani Ratnam heroines to red cross medical camps across the country needs to be recognized

-34.98: Absolutely no point of having supporting characters, this is a big worry, why use so many actors and don’t give them anything to work with?

-92.7: RJ Balaji as the silent but well meaning creep, he looks like the guy who has enrolled in French literature special class so that few more people will accept him. Bring back the share auto RJB #We are waiting. Also he is the 147th Tamil doctor in attendance in the Kashmir Valley

+5:  No bactrian camels were harmed in the making of this magnum opus type of disclaimer we expected, also is this the pioneering tamil film that is the first to use bactrian camels? Wow hat’s off, sir

-50: Director thinks Pakistan-Afghanistan border is like Perungudi toll gate.

–41: Director thinks Pakistani army will not check the pockets of those whom they capture

-107: Music director thinks anything can be background music and hence music neither memorable on its own, nor does it help the situation also

Love is supreme and all that, even in abusive relationships. 

“I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry”

Damn it, where is the scene where Karthi shouts, “Kaatru veliyidai kannammaaaaa!!!” We went to watch the film for that one second. Damn it.

This is answer to a long held fanboy fantasy question, “What if Mani Ratnam made a Gautam Vasudev Menon film” in-spite of our repeated reminders to fans that both were similar, they went and made the movie anyway.

All the best. Jugni O.

Subam.

All numbers are arbitrary and irrelevant. FRS is a certified superficial venture.

FRS Team