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cinema:tamil FRS

FRS:Ponniyin Selvan 2

So you all know what an FRS is right? Right? 

Seems Mani sir did not find time to read the FRS of PS 1, well maybe he was busy (duh obviously) and it reflects in PS2. 

So our writing team was found adapting FRS points from the PS1 post – uh um rephrasing if you could call it that. 

This is of course purely unacceptable behavior in the FRS writers room. 

We fired the entire writers room. 

That is our commitment, even adaptation needs well you know, integrity. 

So here we are with the new FRS writers, at least those we could find. 

-100: Narration, even if it is by Kamal

Kamal basically summarizes Part1 in few seconds, it could have been the same introduction from PS1 because that too was a summary or a situation analysis and nothing much happened except character introductions. 

+50: Wow, finally a temple in a series about Cholas, the great temple builders! 

Guess it’s Melkote, so long live Vijayanagara empire!  

PS2 begins where Surya was left pining in Thalapathy, there’s a similar “kovilil paadum penn” meets “porukku sellum thalapathy” situation. 

With all honesty, this is the sweetest part of both the movies only to be brought to a close by a song that is about separation. 

Sweet becomes bittersweet. 

We rewinded ourselves to the opening of PS1, where there is the fog of war and Karikalan walks in as it clears almost like a theater curtain. 

Nandini’s introduction is more literal – she draws the curtain of her palanquin. 

Mani makes no bones about both the PS movies being about Karikalan and Nandini, the supposed dramatic high points are created to revolve around them. 

But then the movie could have simply been called Nandhiniyum Karikalanum and not an almost incidental Ponniyin Selvan. 

Welcome again to the FRS of Nandhiniyum Karikalanum- based on the characters from Kalki’s Ponniyin Selvan. 

–25: Franchise which aims to tell the glory of an ancient dynasty is focussed on how its hot headed soup boy prince almost brought it to its feet just because he could not get over a girl. 

Good call writers! Good call! 

Ok say last time they left us hanging about the lives of PS and VT- will they survive? Of course they do, they break this suspense in the trailer itself. 

So much for another attempt why did Katappa kill Baahubali moment. 

-70: Odd Madurantaka Thevar is odd max.

In the last movie, he beseeched the help of all the small kings in order to make him King, this time he is holding Kasi Tamizh sangamam with a group of Naga Sadhoo types. 

Sivoham and all that, but the small kings plan seemed slightly better. 

Over the course of the movie he would take another turn and that would be the most funnies of all funnies ever attempted. (not spoiling) 

Madurantaka Thevar Vaazhga! 

-101.5: Mani sir interrupts the tense search for Ponniyin Selvan for a Aga Naga poetic love sequence whose setting was probably suggested to the assistant director by ChatGPT when asked to list a few poetic locations. 

Isolated island with one boat. 

Does this serve the story? Umm debateable, but it surely satisfied all the fans. 

Mani-on-the-nose-poetic-aesthetic-is-poetic. 

Kundavi Devi Vaazhga! 

+42: Wherever you are in this universe, you are never far away from Azhwarkadiyan Nambi. He is everything, everywhere, all at once. 

It almost reads like an advertising slogan, but really it is the truth if his eyes are in Pazhayarai , then his ears are in Kadambur and he himself is somewhere camping with Karikalan but also appears in Nagapattinam. 

Does he have a twin brother? 

The FRS writer room when on ground nut and tea break came up with a theory that Cholas silently invented cloning but restricted it to only their spies so they could put one in each key district. 

Thirumalai Azhwarkadiyan Vaazhga!

+21: The Rashtrakootas might like this movie more than the first part. 

-200: Pandians are not going to like this one single bit, it is like for two movies the same plot element of Pandian Abathudhavis try, try and try to kill the Chola Pulis. 

All in vain, there is even a meta statement that Nandini posts but then that too lands as a joke. 

The Pandian Abathudhavis are the startroopers of this universe. 

Meenkodi Velga!

-34: Confusing motivations are confusing. 

Does Nandini want to kill or not? What does she really want? 

The only guys with clear motivations are the Pandians and they are made to look like the terrorists from last year’s Beast. 

Difficult to root for characters without having to clearly know what their motivations are. 

-101: Director wants to convince us that the Pandian assassins will succeed this time, just before the interval. 

Again there seems to have been no thinking involved in these attempts, they just go at the Cholans with whatever they get, shouldn’t there be some planning? 

+102: Jeyam Ravi as Ponniyin Selvan is the only actor in the ensemble who got his character, but sadly he is playing in a different movie only. 

Ponniyin Selvan Vaazhga!

-302: Loool Tanjore folks not able to identify Ponniyin Selvan because he is wearing mask loool what is this like Tamizh Padam spoof level 

+86: Karikalan accepts Periya Pazhuvettaraiyar’s plan to give away the kingdom to Madurantakar. 

If only they had agreed in part one itself this would have saved Lyca and co some millions. 

As the famous saying goes, for this cotton gunny bags could have remained in the godown itself. 

-201: Mani sir introduces props and characters to either forget them or to drop them on the way to Thanjavoor. 

What happened to the horse Semba? It surely mattered to VT till a point? 

What happened to the throne that Nandini was longingly looking at in PS1? 

Why did a crown which suddenly popped up on Sundara Cholan became the main prop in the climax? Where is the throne that is there in all of your movie marketing? 

Not to forget the fish engraved sword, which again comes to no purpose. 

I mean like…there’s a whole story about characters but that would put us in a very bad place, but still better placed than Kandan Maaran. 

All of this screamed that the movie was not well thought through, besides being rushed into production. 

However it is completely possible to be enthralled by some of the visual flair in PS2

+101: Cinematographer Ravivarman Vaazhga (best thing is to name all cinematographers after painters, as they are in effect painters of light) 

But Mani sir is irked by the idea of having to shoot two people talking and hence has to introduce rotating camera tricks every now and then. 

Embrace the drama Mani sir, it is what it is. The need to be seen as a visual filmmaker is coming in the way of telling a good story through characters. 

-80: Something something happens and we are now in the middle of the war and we didn’t know what to scratch our heads for- whether it is to understand what war is this or why Partibendran Pallavan and VT are now on opposing sides?

Oh wait there was this Nandini seducing Pallavan scene. Whatever came off that? 

Spare a thought about Nandini who is in control of the situation almost all through the movie but then ends up being shown as a victim in the hands of many men. 

Anyhow all’s well that ends well.

Cholas are on the way to their golden age and we went home feeling bad for the Pandian Abathudhavis (again).

You can read the FRS of PS 1 here.

Categories
cinema cinema: hindi

The Romantics (2023)

So I watched the new @Netflix documentary #TheRomantics. I am very eager to see cradle-to-grave documentaries on key filmmakers, it gives us a sense of their work and the times they worked in. But #TheRomantics is just a four part corporate video by YRF.

It began quite innocently; in fact E1 is titled The Boy From Jalandhar traces quite quickly the journey from Punjab to Mumbai. Yash Chopra’s first film was in 1959 and his last was in 2012- so yeah that’s a long career. Maybe they are going to go movie by movie, I thought.

Alas! Minutes later we were in Daag-Deewar territory, pauses only mention about Dharmaputra- apparently a film which was a takedown on Hindu fundamentalism (yikes), set during the partition. Brave Yash ji is Brave! That’s when I woke up. Really. Wake up call 1️⃣ ⏰

All well and good but the doc fails to mention that Dharmaputra was a flop and Yashji did not wade into overt political themes for the rest of his career. A sign of people being yawned by filmmakers trying to push head-in- the-clouds secularism? Maybe?

Bhai! Wait, let’s just pause to talk about how he made the films right? Atleast Amitji must have something to add about Deewar right? Hmm Amitji says Yashji was a romantic (roll credits) on D sets too as he found ways to shoot roses even in intense scenes 🤷

Doc also puts Yash ji as one of the main shapers of the angry young man persona along with Salim- Javed. This needs to explained more, but Salim Khan who is in the doc barely gets any time to talk.

Wake up call number 2️⃣

This documentary is not about the filmmakers and the films but more about establishing how YRF is Bollywood and how Bollywood is YRF. Yes, India is Indira and vice versa types.

Why else would they rush from Deewar (73) to Darr (93) within half an hour of the first episode in 4 part documentary? This phase would cover Kabhi Kabhie, Silsila, Chandni & Lamhe- if this was a serious doc then there would be special episodes for each of these ‘classics’.

But doc is not interested in all that and doc is only interested in showing us an empty chair and hyping about how Adi Chopra has not given an interview in his lifetime. Much like a mob boss? No I mean…

So yeah! In 20 mins you will not be able to cover the nuances of any film, KJo drops in to say how Chandni is among his top five and how he preferred Yash ji over Bimal Roy, Dutt etc But doc doesn’t go beyond that, if at all there is some talk about his films -its about beauty

“Beautiful” “Yash ji heroines were beautiful” “So beautiful” The sarees- just beautiful” Guess someone on the internet can do a supercut of the number of times beautiful is used. Abbey yaar, what is this beautiful?

Wake up call number 3️⃣ was a very sad one. So like even in a four part netflix documentary Bollywood will not take the effort to tell us why a filmmaker is important or in the least tease us about his films to make us watch it?

If this is a feeling that I get, as someone who is familiar with Bollywood how is this going to be make those outside India take Yash ji seriously. That brings me to song and dance.

#TheRomantics as documentary reemphasizes on how the world should view India- land of Bollywood- land of love, song and dance. This is akin to how the west saw India as elephant, cow and snake charmers.

In fact Rishi Kapoor ji brings back these stereotypes about India, as to how we were seen as land of snake charmers and now seen as Bollywood song charmers. Atleast do they go into the effort of making songs? Not even one music director was interviewed for #TheRomantics

I used to think that Bollywood is deliberately surface level in its themes as to cater to a large section of the audience, but now realized these are not deliberate decisions, but the makers themselves are surface level & critics a bunch of yes people

No critic had the question as to why YRFs ‘eternal love’ stories always had an extramarital angle to it? Or why was it about two girls falling for the one man fantasy? Why is it that India’s culture reduced to color, marriage, song and dance and nothing spiritual?

Of course such questions are not possible in in-house productions like #TheRomantics , the credits of which include Uday Chopra. Which was wake up call number 5️⃣ – corporate video indeed.

A big part of the documentary also veers into Uday Chopra territory about how he himself is a standing testimony to how nepotism does not work in Bolly and people have to accept you. Guess this was something Bolly wanted to address , koi baat nahi

From E2 onwards its the Adi Chopra show and a big part of it is about DDLJ and its making. Here they go a little deeper- how everybody had fun on set while Adi worked, clash of the father and son and how DDLJ became the cash cow for YRF

Post creation of YRF it is just feature- benefit type of video we made Dhoom we introduced Ranveer Singh yeh-woh to borrow a common north Indian expression #yehwoh

Shockingly there was angle about how YRF saved India from the onslaught of foreign corporate movie houses – but luckily as with most things they don’t go deep enough.

Maybe that’s all there is to say about YRF and Bollywood, I shouldnt have expected much of a critical or cinematic analysis. should have just been happy with all the actors should have just been happy with the song and dance should have just been happy with Sridevi in chifon

should have been base level satisfied with the ever reticent Adi Chopra talking about how became more desi by throwing away all his rock music cassettes in order to ‘understand India’ Bhai maybe I should just check my expectations

But Bhai please don’t such things like redefined cinema and all and don’t substantiate your claims please 🙏 Thank you for reading. All screenshots are from the trailer of #TheRomantics which is now streaming on Netflix.

Categories
cinema: hindi FRS

FRS: Pathaan (2023) 

So you all know what an FRS is right? Right? 

Welcome to the YRF Spy Universe – which only means that YRF will make the same film with different heroes and tease you with winks, cameos and post credit sequence madness for the next 25 years.

Time for you to start an SIP under YRF Spy Universe and keep investing 100 rs every month considering inflation and all that. 

<Giving platform for long faced Bollywood fanboy -LFBF, because we encourage diverse opinions, but we don’t think you can follow Bollywood and have deep opinions, but nevertheless or as they say Koi Baat Nahi>

LFBF: Yeh review bhais, for Marvel movies you spent hazaar and hazaar rupaiyya, but if Bollywood does you will make fun na? 

Koi Baat Nahi, but Bollywood is back. 

-101: For everyone who uses any variation of Bollywood is back, SRk is back, once a king always a king, king for a reason, king who unified the earth – wait, that was King Solomon right? SRK is King Solomon? 

No viewer will get even one paisa if Bollywood is back or not back, this is like buying one Mango and telling the whole Salem Mango Industry is back!

But Mangoes are good, they mostly taste well, they are also called the King of fruits..

LFBF: Abbey, only SRK is King.

Isn’t he a Pathaan? 

Nevermind, the point is that he is back. 

121: Not surprising for a Bollywood film, Pathaan begins in Islamabad. 

In fact it begins in an oncologist’s office in Islamabad where a General is getting his diagnosis. 

How many years does he have to live, he asks.

Three, the doctor says. 

Just when you thought that this is going to be a touching portrayal of a Pakistani General coming to terms with his own morality, the TV blares out that Article 370 has been revoked. 

Yes Oncologist in Islamabad take their news seriously and have 24*7 always on, even while consulting. 

56: That brings us to the introduction of the main baddie of Pathaan who is simply named Jim, so that you know that absolutely no writing went into his creation.

Jim is just John Abraham. His smile is the same as in a Garnier Men advertisement. 

<FRS not sponsored by Garnier Men>

This by itself is not bad, in fact it is one the saving graces of the film – that the film lets John Abraham be himself. 

We can even imply that for the moments he is away in this movie, we are probably thinking Jim … we mean John would be working out and preparing for his attack (or working for Garnier Men) 

Also how did he escape from Somali pirates to start OutfitX? Did captain Philips save him? Is Captain Philips part of the YRFSU? 

-20: Low effort in naming.

 the shadow terrorist outfit employed by the said Pakistani General is called…Outfit X 

-97: movie asks to us to take it seriously when the counter terrorist outfit is name JOCR (Joker oh so so funny)

JOCR is Joint Operations and Covert Research.

Even basic nomenclature enthusiasts would know that it sounds right when it is called Covert Research and Joint Operations (CRJO) and anyone who has seen the film knows that there is nothing covert about their operations.

Joint…let’s come to that in a bit. 

Brace for a small diversion on Japanese philosophy 

Someone said, speaking at the Cancer Institute in 2013

“This place offers hope, and hope brings about healing. When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage, by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that, when something has suffered damage, and has a history, it becomes more beautiful. This indeed is true, for the millions of cancer survivors, who have come out stronger, and more beautiful than before.”

This is indeed Kintsugi , a beautiful philosophy of looking at breakage in an object as part of the life of the object itself and a good allegory for organization which finds a place for agents who have been put out to pasture. 

And when Pathaan was explaining Kintsugi to his boss, the only thing I could think of was this quote. 

If you know who this someone is, let us know in the comments below. 

#EngagementTactics 

-37: Movie takes a good allegory and goes nowhere with it. 

This was supposed to be a film about broken agents finding their place and we barely know anything about Pathaan’s colleague, except that one guy is called Rishi and another guy is called Raza and a girl once or twice uses the phrase “dark web” 

+80: Darkweb as the source of all intelligence info, this is going to be a recurring theme. 

As for JOCR, we don’t know what they exactly do and how they facilitate joint operations. 

For most part JOCR seems like a travel desk for Pathaan to go from one country to another and Dimple Kapadia maam seems likely to join the long list of film intelligence heads who could not contain her over enthusiastic agents. 

-300: Intelligence Failure MAX (iMAX)

Middle Eastern countries are not going to like this film as a major attack on their country happens in broad daylight and there is absolutely no one there to stop it or take action later. 

+200: Villain will explain his entire purpose, mission statement, how he aims to achieve it and all specifics to hero, because of course people forgot how to write character motivation anymore 

But this is positive because , audience is now clear what is going to happen for the next 2 hours or so

FacePalm to folks who said that playing Ae Watan as Jim’s signature whistle is part of character development.

-96: Time saved in naming key aspects and characters in the film could have been used in creating better graphics. 

At least some of Pathaan would have been admissible if the graphics had been more relatable to a large section of the audience. 

Here it was relatable to 8 bit video game players who are of course a small section of any audience

-120: Movie thinks we will take it seriously because it has helicopters. 

Whenever the movie unit feels that there is a dip in viewer interest, they introduce a helicopter. 

In the dubai sequence they introduce two, that should tell you a lot about that sequence. 

For a moment, we thought that they would bring a helicopter into the theater hall, considering Pathaan loves flying one in enclosed spaces. 

+85: Jim treats helicopters like how Kamal treats vellai the cow in Singaravelan

Yes, oddly for a film named Pathaan, the most registered character is Jim- it is in no way a well written character but by the end of the movie we know nothing about Pathaan, don’t know his skills, his pain, his fear, his signature moves- maybe that is what they will explore in the universe. 

-701: Pussyfooting screenwriting: I kind of get what the writers are going for, something like Star Trek: Into Darkness or Skyfall or even SRK’s own Main Hoon Na

Where the antagonist is created because of the attitude of the state implying that the all is not well with the state and its machinery- but does not beyond that.

Much like how the allegory to Japanese Kintsugi is introduced, this is introduced and not at all taken forward. 

Which made feel like if you do want to say something, say it openly and I agree saying that takes real courage but at least more admirable than writing 20 rupees dialogues like ‘Give your Mother India my last goodbye’ etc 

Also why is Jim’s signature BGM an old creaking door? (It’s even in the trailer) 

But we will give them some leeway as this being a commercial filmmakers have to appeal to everyone and hence ultimately no one, not even ISI agents. 

-27: ISI Agents are not going to like this movie.

-33.33: Empowered spy heroine template 

The ChatGPT inspired writing of Pathaan comes out more clearly in the way how the character of Rubina Mohsin is written. 

Atleast she gets a good name- Rubina Mohsin. 

First we are of course introduced to the glamor element where she has to entice our hero into doing things and then as an afterthought, the action.

When the final battle becomes clearly Jim vs Pathaan (what else?) , Rubina is given a gatling gun type sequence. 

It’s so lazy that even Jim makes fun of the repetitive RAW hero falling for the ISI heroine trope within the Yash Raj Spy Universe. 

So much for self-awareness. 

+97: Speaking of self awareness, we can see that the Yash Raj Spy Universe has already taken to the quippyness of the MCU, in fact the closest character that Pathaan resembles is Robert Downey Jr’s portrayal of Iron Man (there is also a scene with the touch screen etc) 

Which like in MCU was refreshing when they did it but they themselves effectively killed it later down the line. 

Good luck Yash Raj. 

-102: Expected twist during Interval is expected 

Pathaan literally suspect that one character who just moments before sang a song which says like “world has not seen my true colors”

Bhai, how is he employed in intelligence? 

-78: The intelligence community is not going to like this movie 

For a movie about spies, espionage and missions there is very little thinking and more throwing of terms like Raktabeej. 

Basically the most interesting stuff are the most boring in Pathaan and they think that slow motion action with shotgun sequence will make us believe it is otherwise. 

-58: Neat segue into action

As expected there is an ice planet fight, there is cityscape fight, there is a jetpack vs jet pack fight – but it is not audacious or inventive. 

Some even don’t register and are made with the “We’ll do everything that South ka films do” attitude.

But South ka films have marinated in this genre for decades and what they do come from a place of love. 

They also swing for the fences, involve inventive action sequences and tell an epic story. 

There is no shame in being inspired by other films (previously mentioned) , it is not even wrong to use the same devices, twists and turns – but what differentiates one film from its derived class is what it adds new to the genre and to the movies it freely borrows from. 

LFBF: All that is fine, but Pathaan is 700 crores + bhai! Not even counting the number of times people will come to theaters to see THAT cameo- we have done what South Ka movies have done and SRK will reach 1000 crores. 

Bolly is back!

That’s true, slightly quoting the film

don’t ask what an SRK movie can do to you, ask what you can do to make an SRK movie reach 1000 crores? 

Jai Hind

Vanakkam

Team FRS

Categories
cinema:tamil FRS

FRS: Ponniyin Selvan I (2022)

So you all know what an FRS is right? Right? 

-101: Narration, even if it is by Kamal Haasan. 

Gather around people, as Tamil Nadu’s most visionary director takes the narration route to set things up. For an entire length of film. 

So exciting. Yay!

The comet’s tail tells a deadly tale

At the beginning we are introduced to the Cholas before the glory days. The elder son is fighting in the north, the younger son is fighting in the south and the king is bedridden in Thanjavur and a comet appears bringing with it bad news and assassins. 

By the end of PS 1 the set -up still remains, the elder son is still fighting in the north, the younger son is still in the south and the king is still bedridden. 

Hi to all screenplay writers and arc trackers. Technically nothing happens in this movie, I mean technically. Should have just released part two after Kamal’s voice over.

-34: Repetition 

The two sons and one father situation gets repeated by every other character in the movie to make us care for them, which makes us feel that the Kamal Haasan voiced intro would have been an afterthought and something that they could have very well avoided. 

Vandiyathevan also keeps saying who he is to every character he meets.

+45: As the smoke clears, Vikram walks into the frame- one of the few dreamlike moments in PS, but nobody really told us that he was reprising his role from Ravanan. 

Should we reduce points for this? 

Honestly having Vikram enact middle age angst and longing is one of the better creative decisions in PS- hope he wins a National Award. 

-50: Unnecessary battle which is neither cinematic nor makes us care about our heroes is unnecessary. Battle also acts as an intro spot for two other characters. 

-21: Rashtrakootas are not going to like this film. 

-2PiR: When two people are engaged in conversation, the camera starts to move in a circular manner – as though Mani sir is done with shooting two people talking, giving new meaning to the phrase going in circles. 

This again repeats with other characters as well, by now some critic would have written a 3000 word article about the inner meanings of said circling. 

<overheard but unverified excerpts from PS1 sets> 

“No no, my fans will expect something cinematic, just go around them and don’t keep still Ravi. Go Ravi go!”

<overheard but unverified excerpts from PS1 sets>

-20: Poor judgment on the part of Aditha Karikalan as he hands an important task to Vandiyathevan, who himself says, he does not know the way around Chola country, in a time when Google maps did not exist. 

-51: JeMo, the dialogue writer tries to make a pun joke with the word Madhusudhanan, nobody in the audience caught it, but we did hence the negative. 

+201: Experience Happy Chola country in this song where every village along the way not only knows the songs composed by ARR but also the dance steps. 

Of course, there is a distinct lack of Tamil Nadu-ness in the proceedings, which Mani-philes would praise as not only intentional but also international. Needless to say that there is very little about the people of time and the customs.

Guess only the best among us become Mani-philes. We are just FRS writers, so no such pressure for us. 

–204: Every dialogue a question-itis 

Who is that on that boat?

Where are you going? 

Won’t you carry my message? 

How great Tanjore looks? 

Umm that’s actually Jaipur, or Jodhpur or some such pur (loop back to the biggest movie about the biggest Tail empire has very little Tamilness in it)

Adapting a thousand page epic did not give the screen writers even one inspiration to write inspiring dialogue. Someone told us that this was a passion project. Considering this is Madras Talkies, maybe even the passion was subtle.

-61: Vandiyathevan abandons his horse Semba, apdiye after trying to sell us that it was his most prized relationship

That should tell us a lot about character development in Maniyin Selvan. 

< FRS will continue immediately after this short non commercial rant on character development>

FRS writers are no fools, they usually spend their weekends watching Glitz, Woods, and Galatta videos of the movie that they are asked to rate- this however comes at great cost to their normal lives- but it is only in these videos they discovered from a Jeyamohan interview that Ponniyin Selvan could be reduced to Vandiyathevan moving from one place to another. 

While yes technically yes, everything is technically correct but we must be able to feel something about the characters before we go along with them from one place to another. Shouldn’t we?

PS is like most epics filled with journeys , but then you have to love the hobbit and his fellowship for you to even reach Bree. 

But here, a result of superstar casting, none of the characters do come alive. And any impression we made were based on pre-existing notions about the ability of the artists themselves- Karthi is case in point. 

PS needed unknown casting where Vandiyathevan’s resourcefulness, Arulmozhi’s resoluteness and Nandini’s tempting nature comes to foreground. 

Here it’s just Karthi, Jayam Ravi and Aishwarya Rai who fill the screen leaving enough space for characters. 

<FRS continues>

-232: Pandians are not going to like this movie. 

They shouldn’t, their discreet assassins are shown here as tactless who attack in broad daylight. 

Success rate of Pandian assassins should be called into question, if this is how they plan to kill the princes then Pandians must recalibrate their strategy for the next movie- they should probably work with Accenture. 

Until then Pandian Abathudhavis sleeps with the fishes. (pun intended)

-100: To us for making a Pandian meen kodi fish bilingual pun. 

+85: Maniratnam decided to repurpose his own content from Nayakan – Nila Adhu Vanathy chi Vanathu mele feat. Poonkuzhali and just like that we are in Pattaya, chi, we mean Sri Lanka. 

-1917: Again needless war based introduction to another hero , we don’t know who Arunmozhi Varman is and immediately we are asked to partake in his sudden victory.

There was a brilliant intro to Arun (in the books) which is again there in the movie but by the team we know who Arun is and the scene loses its importance. 

Seems as though Mani had to forgo all his creative freedom to push two battle scenes, just for scale and for the intro of his leads. 

Again we spend our weekends watching glitz and woods videos where the director explicitly states that the idea was to keep things grounded and not blow up the scale. 

Realistic was the word, oh we love that word. 

We do appreciate closed chamber drama like the average next PVR popcorn popping person person, but the movie never makes up its mind whether it wants to be an epic or just a pic. 

The supposed big moments don’t hit the high notes and the small quieter moments are hardly your “savor-this-moment-so-that-it-ultimately-lives-on -as-whatsapp-love-status – at arms length from every teen in search of expression“.

Take a break as we reduce more points for the song and dance in this movie. 

–72: All songs are unnecessary and are expertly placed at times when you can just close your eyes, take deep breaths and think about existence and stuff. 

Maybe you can also use the break time to think about the average Chola fighter who has not to not only fight for his blood thirsty emo teen now turning 40 Aditha, but also has to learn steps from Brinda master so that he can dance in some Rastrakuta fort to Chola Chola?

Man being a Cholan soldier, tough. 

–300: When we imagined about the average Chola soldier, our imagination also leapt from the screen and went into the books and wondered what team Mani did with the 300 songs that Kalki had in the text?

Ah but never mind, you get a glimpse of acclaimed dancer Shobana’s dance drama here pushed as Ratchasa Mamane which no one expected. 

Since we all got things we never expected, the only way to acclaim this movie is to say that Team Mani has successfully subverted audience expectations. 

+101: Something something happens and everybody talks the plot so that we end up in a somewhat thrilling climatic sequence on a burning ship. 

Again, Pandian assassins are not going to like this film. They might not like the sequel too.

And now for our new segment called, readers write-in

Gentlereader2002 asks: Hey FRS writers, why are you so full of vanmam (hate), your vanmam spills from the screen onto my laptop keyboard and every time I need to get myself Colin’s cleaners to clean the system of vanmam.

Don’t you have anything good to say about the movie? Come on now, it grossed over 500 crores le? 

Thank you gentlereader2002, yes it is true that in the FRS writers room hate is not a bad word, it is what connects us. 

Funnily we try and convert this vanmam into posts – it is the only way we can cleanse vanmam from our systems. Maybe FRS is our internal Colin’s cleaners. 

To answer your second question, of course if you look hard enough, you can find goodness even in the most dullest things, like if Kollywood spends time in reading the FRS for a long time they might also have some point worth taking home. And like that we found that within the short time given, it was actually Sarath Kumar who brought a sense of majesty to the proceedings, we also liked Vikram’s portrayal – so like the rest is there for us to make fun.

Vanman can be a force for the good.

DonChera from Puliyoor writes: You write so disparagingly about the Cholas and you are so sentimental about Pandian abathudhavis, so you must be a secret Pandian, am I right? 

Us: We also rued the fact that Ponniyin Selvan’s big moments were not big like RRR or Baahubali, does that make us English speaking spies of the Vijayanagara empire? 

Guess we will know when Maniyin Selvan is back next year.

Team FRS

Subam.

Categories
cinema

COBRA (2022)

There would have been a time when I would have loved a movie like Cobra. 

There would have been a time when I would have contributed to the FRS of a movie like Cobra. So you all know what an FRS is right?

Now is not that time. 

There would have been a time when I would have loved a movie like Cobra, that would have been in 1993. 

In 1993, Gentleman released and for long stretches of growing up, it was my favorite movie. 

A series of mysterious crimes happen-an unknown hero-an officer is on his tail -their lives intersect and then we learn of the hero’s backstory and his motivation to be involved in these crimes. 

Will the hero succeed? 

Ascribing any sort of invention in cinema is usually wrong, but Shanker really did re-invent this sub-genre for the Tamil screens and he doesn’t usually get credit much.

Gentleman, Indian, Anniyan, Ai even 2.0 have the same story structure, it provided the perfect skeleton to warrant a big star and Shankar smartly could also up the budget and indulge in indulgences. 

There would have been a time when I would have contributed to the FRS of a movie like Cobra, that would have been in 2015.

Guess it’s not a subgenre after all, it is only one if others too are able to make effective additions. 

Movies in the above class made by those who are not Shanker, somehow feel very derivative and uninspiring. 

Shanker himself effectively killed it with Ai, but like after Sati’s death, her body was scattered all across the country, elements from this subgenre make their place in other Tamil films.

I can also see why Vikram would have had no problem in agreeing to Cobra, not only does it have an interrogation scene which is reminiscent of Anniyan, there is the noble motivation of helping orphans along the way, even though he has to assassinate many state heads in outrageous costumes. 

No hero has never turned down an orphanage helping hero. It’s our version of saving the cat.

Now that’s a trope when done badly gives the viewer a headache. 

I got a headache, paused the movie and reached out to get my Amrutanjan.

When the movie began again, even Vikram’s character had a headache, it was because the heroine was in love with him- she was also a math teacher. 

Okay, so if you start playing Cobra bingo every time someone says “Math Genius” in this movie, you might have to shell out more money to print more bingo cards. 

I was almost convinced that this was a Shanker clone, till I found that director Ajay Gnanamuthu had his fingerprints all over the film. If you remember an annoying kid from his previous movie, there’s an annoying student in this one. 

Before I realized why the student is in the picture, I applied some more Amrutanjan. Yes, the girl stays in the picture to give a circuitous connection as to why the movie is called Cobra. 

Just before mid-way, the director discovered hackers can also be geniuses and introduces another character and the movie turns into one brother protecting the other much like Aalavandhan. 

By that time I was out. I fell into a black pool along with my Amrutanjan bottle, mathematical formulas danced to the tune of Thumbi Thumbi as they chased me. 

I kept falling till I reached the Cobra’s lair. I was not surprised that it spoke, because nothing would surprise me more than Irfan Pathan playing an interpol officer called Aslan in a tamil movie called Cobra.

The Cobra spoke. I asked it to stop and bite me instead. It understood that I needed sleep, deep sleep and it granted me the gift of dreamless sleep.